Oh how I lob my curly head bb. Eddie and I are celebrating 7 years together today! Which is pretty cray when I really think about it. In some ways it feels like it’s been even longer than that - we’ve grown into adults together, and it’s hard to imagine there was a time before we were in each others lives. I’ve wrote about how we met before, and it always makes me laugh thinking back on it. Thank goodness for that dirty bar, and also vodka kakaka. I wanted to share with you some photos we took in Laguna Beach with the v v talented photographer Alex Mari. We had a blast running around in the sand and waves as the sun set. I also wanted to share with you my views on things like marriage, partnerships, and going the non-traditional route. Keep scrolling for my thoughts!
It’s funny when you tell someone you’ve been with your partner for a significant amount of time. I’ve lost count of how many people have looked at me wide eyed and said “Oh wow! When is he gonna pop the question??” or something along those lines. Eeeek! Let’s break that down. By asking “When is he gonna pop the question?” that person is inferring (whether they realize it or not) that 1. I want to get married. 2. I’m waiting for my partner to ask me for said marriage. 3. There must be something wrong if we’ve been together for so long and aren’t engaged yet. When in reality, all 3 of those things are just not true.
Let’s address number 1. Marriage is not something I want. I decided a longggg time ago that it wasn’t for me, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. (But I never say never! People change, perhaps my views on this will too!) I’m not religious, I’m not traditional, and I’m a bit of a free spirit - the thought of being legally bound to another person literally sends shivers down my spine. Dramatic, I know - I’m also aware marriage is a lot more than that to many people. But it isn’t to me. It would be a legal piece of paper that changed the way Eddie and I do taxes, and not much else. The two of us are completely committed to each other and are in it for the long haul - we live together, love each other, and plan on being together for the rest of our lives - we don’t need a piece of paper to prove it. Also, the whole idea of throwing a wedding for ourselves is absolutely not my cup of tea. The white dress, the father “giving the daughter away”, the vows, the rings, and on and on. (I know eloping and the court house are options, but thanks no thanks I’ll pass on those too.) Also, disclaimer - this is NOT a judgement on anyone who is married or plans to marry. My parents have been married for over 40 years! I completely respect other people’s marriages and I actually love attending weddings. I get teary eyed and happy from all the love, dance up a storm, and spend a fair amount of time at the open bar. No, I’m solely talking about MYSELF getting married, so please don’t take this the wrong way and feel like I’m judging others for their choice to marry. That’s completely not the case. I’m just trying to shed some light onto why I, personally, have no plans to do so - and how we as a society need to stop putting pressure on couples to marry as well.
As for number 2, waiting for my partner to pop the question to me - I do take a bit of offense to that. I understand there are a lot of traditional romantic people out there who want their partner to get down on one knee and ask. I’m not one of those people. In my mind, it’s 2018 bbs. I’m a grown adult woman and if I want something, especially something as huge and life-changing as a marriage, you can bet your bum it’s gonna be something I will approach my partner with and have a conversation about. No one plans my life for me. I won’t be sitting around hoping and wishing for something to happen.
And as for number 3, that something must be wrong if we aren’t engaged 7 years into the relationship - I decided marriage wasn’t for me long before I met Eddie. When we started dating, I made sure to tell him so that he knew where I was coming from, and also to make sure that wouldn’t be a deal breaker for him. As soon as I told him, he gave me the biggest smile and said “God, I love you.” then gave me a big fat kiss. So needless to say, we are on the same page bahaha. I started calling him my partner instead of my boyfriend a couple years ago because that’s what he is. We’re partners. We aren’t “dating”. We’re together, we love each other, we’re committed, and that’s that! Cue all the people who, when I’ve explained this to them, then asked “But don’t you want to have children?” Cringe. Again, it’s 2018. Don’t need to get married to have a kid, that’s not a rule.
But the whole reason I wanted to share this with you is simply to bring awareness to the fact that not everyone wants the same things when it comes to love, marriage, partnerships, and family - and that’s ok! I don’t expect a lot of people to agree with me on this, and that’s completely fine - great even! We don’t need to have the same views, and it doesn’t really matter what others think in any case. Your relationship is your own. It’s personal, and no one else’s business frankly. I hope we as a society can start to lose the judgement we feel towards people who don’t go the “traditional” route. It doesn’t mean there’s any less love or commitment, or that the relationship is less important than that of a married couple. People are different, and we should be celebrating those differences, not making women (or men!) feel badly for choosing an alternate path than the one you’ve chosen for yourself. Live and let live is what I say lovas!!
As for me and Eddie’s plans for today? We’re going to Disneyland to laugh, eat all da food, drank it up, and scream our heads off on a bunch of rollercoasters. Sending you all lots of lob - thanks for being here and joining us on the journey!
All photos: Alex Mari Photography